The sea of emotions, the sea of acid in my stomach . . . I'm asking Him to calm these. But all-in-all, I'm learning to control the nausea. Allen tells stories of how he'll hear me giving myself pep talks like, "You're bigger than the nausea... You won't let it beat you... Push through the nausea..." and things like this. (These pep talks happen most often as I rest my head on the toilet seat waiting to be sick.) But I've learned that if I'm not hungry, I usually won't get nauseous. Take note, all you women who will one day be pregnant. KEEP EATING! That's the secret!
Another lovely thing that is happening to me now in my ninth week (ahhh!) is what I like to call "emotional violations" (a.k.a. "mood swings," but I don't like that term... it's not violent enough to describe what it's actually like). In order to kind of relate to what this feels like, just image how you felt the last time you got a moving violation (a traffic ticket), and that's kind of how you feel. First, you want to tear the policeman's head off for pulling you over, but then after you get the ticket, you just sit in your car sobbing for 10 minutes because you are so sad you have to pay the state $150.
Yesterday I cried at the show "Deal or No Deal" because the people were just so happy. And then I cried because I didn't like the taste of macaroni and cheese. I honked and screamed at a cat that was crossing the street because it made me slam on the breaks. And then I threw some bills on the floor because we don't have the money to pay them and I got mad. And then I cried while opening a can of mandarin oranges because it made me feel nostalgic for some reason I still don't know.
This is what my life is like right now. It's insane. (Pray for Allen. He's a real sport.)
But what gives me true joy -- above anything else in the world -- is that right now my little person has eyelids; fingers & toes; ears; fully-developed lips; a nose; fully operating elbows, shoulders, wrists, knees, and ankles; a fully-developed and working heart (with valves and chambers!); and even developed sex organs! I can't quite describe how that makes me feel.
Tomorrow (Wednesday) at 3:30 pm we have a check up with Tara again, and we get to hear the heart beat for the first time. I'm sure to lose it.
Oh, and ps: Please pray that the inside of my belly doesn't look like this...
I'd like to start with just one.
